I Give to You a Letter
by Sasha-038
Summary: We saw in Judgement Day Jenny was writing a letter to him. What if it was complete and Gibbs read it while she was alive? Jenny/Jethro or as I love to call it Jibbs. Post Paris but Pre Judgement Day. Rated T for some strong language.


Leroy Jethro Gibbs unlocked the door and walked into her house using the spare key he always carried on his key chain. She always said to use it for emergencies only though she knew in a true emergency he'd probably just kick the door down. Well, in a way this was an emergency. He needed to talk to her about the case he was working. He also wanted to ask her to come back to work. Vance was already pissing him off, and he was sure his team wasn't too far behind.

He was surprised to see she wasn't home yet, all the lights were out and her mail was in a neat pile. A note was found attached to the door.

Naomi,

I should be home by two. You can go ahead and take the rest of the week, but I will need you next week. Don't worry about dinner, I can eat on the plane.

- Jenny

He glanced at the clock. 1:47, which meant he would have to wait thirteen minutes for her. He sighed impatiently, sitting down at the desk in her study shuffling through some of the papers she had there. There were a few case files, including Jasper Shepard' s and La Grenoullie's. There were a few papers that needed to be signed, and then there were a few letters. One in specific caught his attention and he couldn't help but read the first two words plastered on it.

'Dear Jethro' it said written in her beautiful cursive handwriting, something he always admired about her. His eyes widened with anticipation as he shuffled the papers around to get to the letter. He was satisfied when he saw that it was complete and signed by one Jennifer Shepard. Gibbs wasn't usually this nosy, but he found himself placing her red sparkly glasses on the bridge of this nose and reading over the neatly written letter. It was for him after all.

Dear Jethro,

By the time you're reading this, I'll be dead one way or the other for I am putting it into a safety deposit box only you will be able to open once I'm gone. Ducky probably told you that I was sick. That I was dying. Well, it's not true. Truth is, my sister Heather was dying of a brain tumor. I had to get the tests run and I knew Ducky wouldn't stick his neck out like that for my sister, a woman he's never met in his lifetime, so I claimed the blood was mine. A little immature, I suppose, for the director of NCIS but I was thinking like a sister, not a director. You of all people will understand that.

So I guess I should explain some things. I regret leaving you. It pains me to say I have regrets but we all do. I hope you're happy to hear. I knew you had a bad record with women but I didn't care. I still wanted you to be mine. I was hurting then because I wanted revenge on Grenoullie. I should've let you in. It was probably the biggest mistake of my life, leaving. I guess it doesn't matter now, but in case you ever question it, I loved you then and I love you now. Could you imagine DiNozzo's face if he saw this? That boy would be rich as could be with the bet money he would collect.

I never intended to hurt you when I went after La Grenoullie. That's why I blocked you out. I wanted to tell you, I really did, but you were the one person who could stop me and I didn't want to be stopped. If it helps, I didn't kill him. I just couldn't bring myself to pull the trigger to Jeanne's father. Tony wasn't the only one who connected to her. I began to see myself more and more in her. How could I ruin her life like that? Guess you will never know who did pull that trigger though. That dies with me.

I'm sorry I couldn't be your Shannon all over again, but you were mine. I love you. Always have, always will.

This isn't goodbye, you should never say goodbye, this is simply a letter to explain myself to you. I hope you understand all that I am and all that I have done. I also hope this gives you a little self pride. Until later xoxo

Love,

Jen.

"Jethro?" He heard from the door. Damn, she had been quiet sneaking into her house. She looked at him in confusion and then her eyes widened in fear when she realized he was reading something and she had a pretty good idea if what it was.

"Oh my god." She said rushing over and snatching the sheet of paper from him. He looked up at her with something in his eyes that she couldn't quite identify. It was a mix if hurt, confusion, guilt, and an emotion she wasn't sure existed. "Please don't tell me you read this."

His eyes gave her the answer she feared. "Jen I-"

"Went though my things without permission! I have top-secret case files on that desk! What the hell were you thinking? I can't believe you did this!" She exclaimed angrily pushing some of the case files aside, as if he cared about those right now.

"I didn't read a top secret case file, Jen."

"Oh no. You read something much much worse! I'm going to make your life a living hell Jethro!"

"Hey can we just talk about this?" He asked taking her glasses off and placing them on the desk. He stood up to face her.

"I think it would be better for you to just leave." She said bitterly flashing a glare in his direction.

"Well when Dinozzo hears about this..." he trailed off.

"HOW DARE YOU THREATEN TO TELL DINOZZO!" She screamed her hand hardening into a fist and punching him hard against the shoulder. "You come into my house and go through my things and then threaten me when I don't want to talk about it?! You bastard!"

"I just wanna talk about it Jen!" He defended throwing both of his hands in the air.

"I have nothing to say about it. You read the damn thing-"

"Fine." He said cutting her off coldly. "You know what? We'll leave it just like this! When are you coming back madam director? He asked.

"Tomorrow." She answered her tone equal to his.

"Aww we were really starting to like Vance." He lied to piss her off. It worked.

"Good! Maybe now when I come back you'll leave me the hell alone!"

He rolled his eyes. "Next time you write a letter to me, shred it. Nothing good comes out of them anyway!"

"Get out of my house, Special Agent Gibbs!"

"Real professional, Director." He spat slamming the front door shut knowing that she loved that door and it would certainly piss her off to hear it slammed shut.

Once he left she looked down at the letter she had written and looked it over. Upon seeing how embarrassing it actually was she balled it up and heaved it across the room, plopping down in her seat.

-  
"Hey boss!" A very excited Anthony DiNozzo greeted jumping up from his seat. "Guess what agents get to use their vacation days early?!"

Gibbs looked from one team member to the next noticing they all had smiles on their faces. He then looked up on the catwalk meeting eyes with Jenny. Only seconds after their eyes met she turned around and stormed into MTAC. She was definitely still pissed off.

"So what do ya' think boss. Go to the bar with Abby and Ducky then me, you, McGee, and David and kick it down at the beach for a while. Then on the last few days we jump on a cruise!" Tony rambled excitedly.

"No cruise, Tony I hate boats." McGee said.

"Didn't think about that. Maybe you should get over it." Tony suggested.

"Maybe you should make better plans." McGee replied.

"Maybe the two of you should shut your mouths." Gibbs cut in before grabbing his coffee off of his desk and walking up the stairs to see the director.

"Well somebody doesn't seem happy about vacation" McGee said watching his boss speed walk to MTAC. Tony and Ziva silently agreed with his statement.

"Something I can do for you Special Agent Gibbs?" Jenny asked when he walked in and sat in the seat beside her. There was only one other person in the room besides them, but she seemed too deeply involved with her work to be listening.

"Yeah." He said taking a sip of his coffee before he continued. "You can start by talking to me about it."

She bit her lip and clenched the armrest until her knuckles were white. "What exactly do you wanna know?"

"You really aren't sick?" He knew it would be so much easier to prep her with this then to dive into the big picture.

"Yes, I really am not sick. Are we done here? I need a coffee break." She said beginning to stand up.

"Sit down, Madame Director."

She took a deep breath and hesitated but knew if she didn't comply she would be thinking about it all day. She sat back down.

"You can have mine." He said placing his coffee in the armrest between them. Usually she would gulp down a cup of coffee when it was offered, but right now she didn't want anything to do with him.

"Danielle" Jenny directed to the woman in the room. "You can take the day."

The woman was about to offer to stay but she got the hint that the director just needed her to leave the room, so without a word she got up, collected her paperwork, and left. The pair sat for a few minutes in silence before Jenny couldn't take it.

"You wanted to talk. Spit it out." She said bitterly.

"You gave the team vacation days?"

"Yes. They deserve it and so do you. Take a week or two." She was using her director tone which meant he was going to get hell no matter what he said.

"Nah." He couldn't help but smile when he felt the frustration and embarrassment radiating from her. "You got connected to Jeanne Benoit. So who killed her father?"

"That dies with me." She said quoting the letter. "I did hold his hand when in happened." She was referring to the thumb tap left on his right hand.

"Interesting."

"Dammit Jethro you have ten seconds to ask a valid question or I'm walking out of here." She threatened.

"That was the biggest mistake of your life?"he asked. "Cause we can fix that."

"Meaning what exactly?"

He decided to ignore her question shaking his head side to side. "That must've been hard for you to write."

"Very."

"So why'd you do it?"

"I took the vacation days to see my little sister. She was dying so young. She tried to tell me something she wanted me to know."

"And?"

"She died trying." She couldn't help herself from bringing his coffee to her lips, the bitter taste helping her cope with everything that was happening. He, on the other hand, seemed to be enjoying himself. "This job is dangerous so..." she trailed off.

"So you wanted to admit your long-lost love for me?"

She gasped, nearly spilling the hot drink, as if that question was a punch to the gut. She had not expected him to push that far that fast. She flashed daggers in his direction. "Too far, Jethro."

"You told me to ask a valid question, Jen. I was just tired if ignoring the elephant in the room" he said innocently.

"So what if I did? Doesn't mean a damn thing to you anyway!" She snapped standing up and starting to pace the room.

He gave her a minute before standing up as well, blocking her path. "Oh it definitely means something."

The comment sent shivers down her spine and goosebumps erupted on her skin.

"You turned me down when we were after Ari."

"I remember. What else was I supposed to do, Jethro? Stop everything and fuck? You were vulnerable and desperate. No way in hell I was just going to take advantage of that."

"So you're blaming this on me?"

"Well it's your fault!" She yelled.

"My fault?!" He snorted. "You were the one who chose your damn director job over us, who blocked me out and let my senior agent in! You have some damn good reasons for your actions but it doesn't make you right!"

"You wanna argue with me about it? Save your damn breath because I'm not in the fucking mood! I don't need you to approve of my actions! I didn't come back for you, you self-righteous bastard!"

"Really? But leaving me was your biggest regret? You can stop regretting it. We weren't anything in the first place. You would've been just like Stephanie and Dianne! A fucking antidepressant!"

She felt heart stop beating in her chest as tears began to cloud her eyes. This really was like a punch to the gut, only it hurt ten times more. She nearly fell over, the tears making her vision extremely blurry. She couldn't believe he just said that. It didn't matter what kind of argument they were in, he had no right to say it.

"Jen-" he attempted already regretting his statement which he knew wasn't true. They really had something special in Paris.

"How could I be so stupid?" She whispered to herself pulling away from him.

"I didn't mean it." He said grabbing ahold of her arm gently. She immediately pulled away using all of her force and looked into his eyes. He could see the tears she was trying to hold back.

"You're right. My biggest mistake wasn't leaving you." She said speed walking to the door. "It was loving you." She attempted to open the door but to her dismay it was locked. "Dammit! What the hell did you do?"

"Locked the door. From the outside. I've got a friend of mine out there whose job you don't own to open it. When we're ready."

"Make him open it." She whispered harshly.

"Not ready yet."

"DAMMIT JETHRO! Open this fucking door before I blow it open!" She said removing her gun from her side and aiming it at the door. He smirked realizing she still carried her side arm and her back up, just like she did when she was an agent.

"When you shoot, duck. That bullet will ricochet." He warned.

She banged on the door recklessly until she couldn't anymore. She hadn't realized how close he had gotten. He was right behind her now.

"I didn't mean it. It slipped out cuz I was pissed. You aren't like Stephanie or Diane. I loved you. We were real."

She laughed a fake, sarcastic laugh. "If you didn't mean it you wouldn't have said it! I was so foolish to actually believe you could love anyone other than your dead wife!"

"Hey!" He yelled coldly.

"I'm sorry Jethro did I take things too far?" She said sarcastically, venom dripping off her lips like acid.

She gasped when she felt his heavy arms wrap around her waist, pulling her against him. His lips were close to her ear allowing her to feel his hot breath on her neck. "I didn't mean it." He whispered. She tried to pull away from him but he held her too tightly.

"Jethro..." she struggled turning towards him. "I'm sorry. About what I said. It was not my place to bring Shannon into it."

"We really had something in Paris, Jen."

"Not just Paris, Jethro."

"I missed you, Jen." She gave him a small smile remembering him stating the exact same thing when they saw each other again three long years ago. Then she had turned him down. How about now?

"I missed you too."

**A/N: I personally really liked this story, writing it and all was really fun. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Please review! I love hearing from you! 143!**

**- Sasha**


End file.
